con*fi*dence

/ˈkɒnfɪdəns/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kon-fi-duh-ns] –noun

belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: Her confidence to kick-ass would lead her to great and magical places.



Thanks online dictionary.

3 weeks!

Alright. I'm going to blame this giant blogabsense on my sister. And maybe the fact that I have become obsessed with facebook. I never wanted to. I've fought it successfully for many years...but now it's become one of the five tabs I automatically open in the morning and I just can't stop hitting reload. Anyway, that's where I've been posting some recent happenings but I'm gonna try to get back into this here thingy. SO. Here's a quick recap of some things pre/present/post today:

$$ Carly came to visit and it was awesome! We did so much sisterly hanging out our hands fused together and we had no choice but wear smittens. We went to the new musuem of science, saw the big wheel race, ate really yummy tofu balls, lounged at the park, went shopping, got our nails did, ate seven pounds of ice cream, visited some colleges, tried to dye her hair purple, snuggled up with disturbing movies and assaulted preston. yah for sisters!!

museum of science green roof

$$ Kerstin and I signed up to take the LEED exam! Even though it was effing 400 DOLLARS -- I think it'll be worth it to be super green certified and get to put a fancy title after our names in emails and talk about how to recycle your poop and knit used toilet paper into socks.

$$ I started working more at the other pet store in Potrero Hill which I think is way cuter and is more fun since it's packed all the time. The day goes fast and you barely remember that you cleaned piss off the floor six times. Though I'm still waiting for the hunky single dog owner to come in and need help adjusting a harness or be shown the proper way to wash his dog. wink.

$$ My roommate Sara is going to law school. BOO. Well fine, good for her yada yada but sheesh we were just starting to be BFF and now I'm losing her to the salty swanky New Orleans. At least it's a nice place to visit. BUT preceding that, she's going to be away for the next couple of months and will be subletting out her room to the CUTEST boy from Valencia. He came over to see the place last night and I was won over immediately. He's studying English downtown but "can't take the fire engines anymore even though they are saving people's lives and he should be thankful." He likes to ride his bike and can't wait to practice his English more! (and I'm hoping to get some useful spanish out him)

$$ So I will actually only be staying in this apartment till the end of May -- I'm going to be moving into my friend emily's place for june and july. It's a few hundred a month cheaper and only a 10 min bike ride to work AND it's with emily, duh, so I'm super excited. She's leaving for grad school in massachussets come august, and I'll be traveling with my fam when they come out thisaways so it works out superbly.

$$ And why, you ask, would I be moving into an apartment for only two months? What then? I'm going to travel the world, but of course! No, for realz, I am! Okay so it's not super definite yet -- BUT ALMOST. I've already gotten the yes from some farms in France that I could come and wwoof at and then hopefully after a month of that, I'll backpack around a bunch of western europe!! Not like I've already set aside my ninety-two pairs of undies or anything, but if all goes well I'm really gonna do it. And you should come visit!!

$$ I'm also wanting to apply to grad schools this winter for landscape architecture. so if you'd like to write my personal essay by all means please do and I'll bake you some potato chips.

$$ Preston made me this collage:


$$ Katie B. is coming out in a couple weeks to run Bay to Breakers again!! This year she's going to be a sexy sailor.

$$ I've been shaving!! I know, I can't believe it either but it's actually been super awesome to have smooth legs and armpit hair that doesn't stick out of your t-shirt. It's been over two-years since I've been hairless -- I have no idea why I've waited this long. Being a woman is so friggin cool. In fact, I've started wearing mascara and got some sexy underwear where the elastic wasteband doesn't peak through!

$$ I got my tattoo and it was another amazing three hours of tripping out on my endorphins. Rocio, you did it again.


$$ I've only been crying like every OTHER day. Progress! But hopefully soon my two new super duper femischnistic books with arrive and it'll be easier to be more confident in becoming a real live individual.

phew! enough for now. <3

Pictures!

Besides possibly having a stye or Preston's poop being a cool halloween orange, there hasn't been too much that stands out as anything particularly blogworthy. There is of course my newly awesome dark red hair or my brand spankin' tattoo, but those will have to wait till proper pictures are taken. But I just finally downloaded photos off my camera and think they'll be pretty good at catching up on the past few weeks of living.

A couple weekends ago I was lucky enough to borrow a friend's car and made sure to do every possible thing a car owning person could do with. Which, okay, really just meant going to the two best dog parks ever that unfortunately aren't in walking distance. One of these parks was Point Isabel, where my friend John and I wrangled up four awesome dogs, Roxxy, Stella, Buzz and Preston, for an afternoon of runnin poopin hollerin and hootin.

Preston and Stella

Roxxy

Pweston Schmace

Roxxy and Buzz

Stella

This is a view from the park I go to most days at lunch. It's usually really sunny and filled with dogs and people running up and down stairs.



Two weekends ago I started at the pet store and it has been super great! Here's some photos of the one store in soma that I've been working at.







Here's a couple sunsetty pictures of Bernal Hill.

Old school blogging

I can't listen to music. I don't feel like baking. Or cooking a giant breakfast. I don't want to see any movie that I've already seen and I don't want to see new ones that have anything to do with anyone or thing being even remotely romantically interested in each other. I don't like taking showers or trying on lots of earrings. I don't like buying knick-knacks or fancy fake meat. I don't want to hear poetry or smell seasons. I don't want to go hiking or make elaborate plans to get lost. I hate lying around in bed and I don't like being home alone. I hate that it's beautiful out and I have no one to make spir of the moment plans with. I hate feeling trapped in the city, to only travel as far as my bike with tired legs and wimpy shoes can travel with a dog strapped on my back and tipsy bags dangling.

I never search for a tissue or a napkin. All the stains you see are probably snot or what I've been eating the past couple of weeks. I don't care how much energy these space heaters use or that I have them on every day even if it's warm outside. I don't want to meet anyone. Not anyone that I have to try to make a nice impression, anyway. I don't care how my sheets never get changed even though they're covered in tiny forms of paw print dirt. I don't care that I don't wash off all this cheap produce from south america or that it sits around and births fruit flies.

It's hard to focus on the new. To jazz yourself up for new people or activities or streets you've never walked down or to not lose it when you're out and that song comes on. I've never wanted time or motions to pass more quickly. To be someplace else completely and have no connection to anything familiar. I used to have such a beautiful window view of everything from way up high and now I have a narrow strip of natural light that lets me see a small maroon tree.

It's hard to not be scared of the unknown. It used to excite me -- I wanted to charge it head on. I looked forward to the bruises and battle scars but now it's as is my legs are missing and I have to sit quietly and wait for it to creep up around me and hope that some part of it is good or at least leaves me the rest of my limbs. It's helped to hear that it was the right thing to do. I wish I could wake up to a slap in the face, an ice cold reminder of being strong and believing in wanting to move on and be my own person.

I feel like so much time has gone by already and I'm only now beginning to understand the emotional toll it's taking on my mind and spirit. So I've decided that I can't contain it all, I just possibly can't carry it all myself and while I might feel like a jerk-ass for constantly being debbie downer I need to release and share it and learn how to cope. So what if this new plan involves crying everytime I feel one coming on, or watching a shitload of TV. I can't hide being sad and I shouldn't try to cover it up anymore. Thanks for letting me share.

Mow the lawn!

Why aren't there commercials like this is in the US?

What a gift!

Here I am, sitting studiously at work, when I recieve a beautifully wrapped package that for once isn't 4 ton glass samples. Hooray! What can it be? A wonderful book ALL ABOUT HEDGEHOGS, titled The Hedgehog's Dilemma. It is of course from my dear friend Katie B. -- what else would someone like her give as a xmas present? I've only thumbed through it but judging on the looks of the first chapter page and the author's picture this is going to be one amazing read. The first paragraph is enough to make your pants hot with envy:

Is this a ridiculous question? After all, surely everyone knows what a hedgehog is -- there is no mistaking the small, brown, spiny mammal for anything else, unless, maybe you are drunk and get it confused with a porcupine. Which is not a relative, by the way, not at all. Porcupines are rodents, like rats and squirrels; hedgehogs are insectivores, related to moles and shrews.

I'm not sure I know where the obsession will such small adorable balls of cuteness began, but it very well might have started here, where I spotted Pascal: